When I Was Looking For Nothing

So I was sitting in a hot tub on Vashon Island Washington. The sky was dark and the moon still not out. The big water was staring at me. Everyone was gone. It was just me and the sea. I was thinking how still it was and how dreamy, when I got this idea. The idea came out of the sky like a meteor. I was not trying to get an idea. I was just looking at the water and feeling the quiet.

The big painting I am going to start next week will be a dinner party with a twist. Each person in the party will be symbolic of something I need right now in my life. Each person will have a totally double meaning. 36 bodies will vie for attention at the party. Everyone I ever knew or wanted to know will be there. Only they won’t just be people. And on the table will be things that have helped me live in the past.

I am going to write a book as I paint the painting and it will be a big book that will be for children and adults to help them see better. This painting will be instructional and it is painting itself in my mind as I even write this. I see this as the most important work I have ever started and I am giving it my full concentration so I will do it in “the silence.” I think this painting is what I was born to do and it is what every year of my life so far has lead up to. This will be my crescendo. this is it and it got born in a hot tub on Vashon Island at 10:30 at night. It gives me the willies just thinking about it.

I was watching a documentary about Thomas Hart Benton. He actually died after he finished a mural. He signed it and died. That is what life should be. Do it , sign it and die.

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