Most of my brothers and sisters and my Mom were together. We were hanging around the house in a state of shock is all I can describe it as. We did not know how long was left. He was quiet in the front room, laying on the hospital bed. Thank God we brought him home . He was in his house, not a hospital room. The sun was out so we decided to clean up the yard. We all went out to get every weed out of the lawn and clean up the flower beds. Dad loved the garden so it seemed like what he would want us to do. After an hour or so it was looking perfect. So back into the house to wait . Everyone was in the kitchen talking and being together. For some reason I felt like I should go check on Dad and tell him we got the yard all cleaned up. I held his hand and noticed that he was breathing very quietly. He was supposed to do the dying breath breathing when it was close to the end and he was not doing that .He was just breathing softly. Then he stopped. I called to Mom and said he stopped breathing and she called back”oh he does that sometimes” But he did not breath again.
His face was absolutely beautiful. He always was handsome but after going through all he did , even at age 90, He was flawless. Not a wrinkle on his face. He had lost so much weight that he was perfect. . We all were marveling how beautiful he looked . My brother shaved him and we put a suit and tie on him and took his picture.
Looking at the father that we all loved more than we knew. He was with his family at the end. I think there could be no better end than what he had. Painful as it was to lose him, I am infinitely grateful to God for that day going as it did.
It felt like we carried him out on our shoulders and handed him over to God.
I think about Dad all the time, I wish I could tell him how the garden is doing, What the roses are looking like. I want to tell him how my son bought a home with a third of an acre with fruit trees and wisteria. He would love that.
I know I will see him again one day and then I will tell him everything again. We will plant new trees and watch them grow.
I had this dream about doing a whole show of white paintings. Do you ever do something because you have a dream? I never have, but why not? Maybe the dream paintings ( I would totally call them that) are the most interesting ones you have ever done. The difficult process of making something pretty interesting in all while shades would be a challenge.
Ok what I did right there is just free form dreaming doodling just let it go kind of thinking. Who cares where ideas come from. Maybe you have a hairsbreath of an idea but it sparks you. Go for it.
Most of the time you start somewhere definite and go toward the light, but it is really fun to start anywhere and go for what might be a glimmer of a light then a shadow, then a flood light.
so with that in mind. 10 white paintings might look all the same till you went close and then you see the nuances. Sort of like a whisper.
things seem more important when you have to move close to see their beauty.
To get to different level of accomplishment , you have to do something you aren’t expecting. You need a wrench . The unexpected forces you to have to overcome your usual way of thinking and planning . It forces you to do something new and maybe better. You can make your own problems too. Your own obstacles to overcome.
I like to look at tiny houses. I like the see what people can do when given the tiny space they are forced to use to create a functional living home. It has to be livable. It has to be very small. Where you walk and dress and cook has to make sense. “The Cube” was an English design that used the ten feet up space to put levels of living.
Problems that come up, can help you look until you find new paths that may lead to a better product.
I invented my technique for painting just that way. I had done this painting in ink and it was just becoming a black mess, I had invested 10 dollars into this heavy duty piece of paper so did not want to just throw it out. I put the whole thing into the sink and scrubbed it off with a scrubby sponge. What remained on the paper was so beautiful that I framed it and won first prize in an art show later that month.
I told that story before but there is more. I have since learned to remove layers of paint with paint remover which is even more aggressive . I tried a scrapper too and even burning it . But that is just the same idea rehashed. Once its a proven thing you lose the wrench.
I think I will try lemons next time. They are more subtle than a wrench.
In our church we call Sunday “the Lords Day”. I hadn’t heard it called that till we got to this church. It is a good reminder to me to focus. . It is not God that needs us to sing and pray to him . He isn’t lacking in some way and we have to help Him out. Someone who has given you everything you have both in this world and the next does at the very least deserve our undying affection . If a human being took you out of a slum and put you in a palace you would tend to be grateful I would hope.Especially if you were being an obnoxious creep when he took you in and paid all your debt with not just money but pain and suffering on your behalf, you would be grateful and shocked I hope.
So today is the day to be shocked and awed in a good way. Jesus did not have to die for me, But He did.
If my son died for someone else I would not want them to just forget it . I would want them to be dang thankful . Wouldn’t anyone?
When you go to the Korean Spa , two things you get over really fast. First you have to walk around naked. Its all female in there so it doesn’t matter but if you aren’t used to that you might find it unnerving . Many people won’t go there for that reason alone.
The second thing is Heat. You have to get used to being in very hot rooms and pools and staying in them for as long as you can. The first few times you might have to get out of everything and just cool off so you won’t get light headed
The thing most people spend the least amount of time in is the cold pool. It is pretty chilly and there is a waterfall to stand under and let it beat on your shoulders. I would say most people in there avoid that pool.
Getting in the cold pool for the first time is shocking, especially after all the hot pools and rooms. You have to mentally tell your legs to keep walking into it or you will stay in for one second and jump out. But each time you go in it becomes easier and easier till you can stay in a few minutes at a time. That is when you discover the joys and relief that the healing cold freezing pool has to offer. Overcoming the compulsion to jump out and Making Yourself! stay in the water is like conquering some scared part of you. That feels good. Then when you body gets used to the cold, the water shocks your body into releasing toxins which does make you feel better too. Exhilaration is the next stage. It a so fantastic to get almost a shot of energy that surges through your body after a plunge. That is why the Finnish people jump into snow pools. Good clean fun on a molecular level.
All this to illustrate how other things in life are like the Cold Pool.
When you are scared of pain, which is most of us all the time. Just throwing your self into something knowing full well it will not be comfortable is probably the greatest exercise you can do. Thats why people bungee jump. It makes you stronger, better, smarter, cleaner, more creative, bolder, mightier, and braver.
Can you imagine Michelangelo putting the first paint stroke on the Sistine Chapel and realizing that he had a huge huge area to fill with images that would bogle your mind.
Or someone who wants to sail around the world.
Or forgive someone who hurt you .
so many levels for the cold pool.
You know what they say,
“The waters fine.”