Category: Reflections

My husband and I go to a Lutheran church now. We went to a lot of different churches and gleaned many good things from each one , like friends that don’t go away.
I was raised Catholic but then stopped going to church for about 10 year,. because I couldn’t be bothered with that nonsense . But then I did start going and I started looking for a fit I tried Presbyterian ( by far the longest time) but my husband and I also went to A Foursquare , a Vineyard, a Community, and for a short time a Pentecostal type , oh and a Calvery,
so we do have a broad experience of some that are out there.
Now we go to a Lutheran church and we have found the missing link.

I don’t know why Protestants had to throw out all the beautiful things that make church church. They might have thought they were phony somehow but I don’t have that experience

The candles lit ceremonially , the fresh flowers each week , the chanting all the beautiful words , the pews carved and gleaming , the giant cross and all the elaborate altar cloths.

the beautiful vestments, the incense , even the gleaming chalice communion cup shared ,

it’s all so lovely. All this beauty helps me remember where I am.

We went to a church in Odessa to go to a meeting. It is built up on a hill overlooking the town below. Every window has a beautiful view of the sky and the town. The interior walls have large windows too so you can see through the whole church . , The altar had I’d say at least a thirty foot rise to the top of the ceiling.
The acoustics were perfect , natural light shone in onto the sanctuary .
the carpeting was a gorgeous teal color and it matched the grape vine mosaic that ran the whole cross length that climbed up to the ceiling so high that you had to look way up to see the top .

I think people raised in the Lutheran church are used to this and maybe don’t appreciate it as much as a newcomer like me . Or maybe they do but its just become part of them ,

I hope the beautiful becomes part of me so that it will leak out and spill over.

I went to a political rally at a beautiful wedding venue . Thirty years ago a couple had taken a piece of land with a creek in it and transformed it into a garden of Eden .
They turned the stream into a giant koi pond and planted grasses and trees around it which grew up to be a gorgeous dreamscape. I never have seen grasses grow to 14 feet tall nor have I seen a seven foot koi .
A koi will grow to the size of the pond they have to live in .
I’m wondering if people aren’t the same way. . We are in a sort of mental pond . We get used to doing our routine and it feels comfortable and pretty soon we get numb .
When I do things outside of what I am comfortable with , even something small like read a book I wouldn’t ordinarily read or go somewhere I never went before , or talk to someone I totally disagree with to understand their point of view , I grow .
I’m a koi in an expandable pond. It’s also a retractable pond, I can shrink it .
That’s the thing it’s flexible .
My husband spends every day listening to horribly hard audio books while he works. I tried to listen to some but found it was stressful to have to stop and try and keep up with the story . It’s way easier to listen to something I already can relate to . But he forces himself to listen to the end of these tomes even if he is struggling. He told me in the end he is able to read more and more scholarly as he goes on .
I could learn a thing or two from him and enlarge my little koi pond .

there are only two kinds of people, guard up or guard down .Some people are like puppies , they have no reason not to trust you and assume you want to know them because everyone is wonderful . They give you the benefit of the doubt and you find everything about them interesting and valuable .
that’s a guard down person. Artists should be like that so they can access all the good stuff that they need to work with .
Guard up people are cautious and will keep a guard up at all times to protect themselves. The problem is you can’t be open and closed at the same time. Guard up prevents close relationships and keeps them at a safe and lonely level.

It’s been my experience that you cannot help a guard up person be open .
it’s like floating. You have to relax and trust the water or you’ll sink. The water will carry you but only if you let it .
it’s that way with relationships .
Maybe people come into your life physically but to keep them at bay is so sad. Who knows if letting them in might be just what you were thirsty for but you’ll never know. You are being safe .
The sad thing is guard up people prevent the gifts they have from getting out too.
it’s a good thing there are a lot of people to find and you just have to keep being open till you find another guard down person to come around.
They are out there looking for you.

My new studio is named Bento Box.. I name every house I have and when we finished the studio it also got a name. When you give something a name it gives it identity and sort of a soul At least as soulish as a room can be. Nonetheless , rooms do speak to you . The things you decide to place in it , the positioning of the furniture, what will happen there . These all will reflect something whether you want it to or not . A name is even going further to reflect what you are wanting to happen there.
Bento Box is a beautiful little Japanese box for food that is composed of smaller boxed in areas. Wooden dividers to separate foodstuffs. Very neatly organized to enhance your food experience.
we’ll that’s what the former two car garage turned into. Spaces delineated for different things in one bigger box space.
24 feet square . 13 feet high . Just a little Bento Box to work in.
instead of having the usual paints everywhere I isolated them in a cedar chest. I’m only doing one painting at a time.
The result is a quiet simple feel that I hope will affect my work. The walls are black and cream . Caviar and summer white to be exact.
My first painting is a simple black and white abstract called Montlake.
it is a memory of canoeing through lily pads in Montlake in Seattle. The dark trees with just a hint of sunlight peeking through.
I found an old photo of that day 35 years ago and it really felt like what I’m going through now in my life . Paddling along into the unknown of getting older .

This studio has turned out to have a big effect on me. Not only am I doing a radically different style of artwork but it’s affecting me other ways too.
I took half on my clothes out of my closet and gave them away .
I removed furniture out of my living room and gave it away.
the storage shed is full because I can’t bring myself to bring one more thing into the studio.
I don’t know if the wide open spaces I live in are changing me or just the studio or maybe it’s a combination.
my writing is sumi on steroids.
as few words as possible but still see something .
the calm that all this infuses into my thinking is good.
The spaces between are so soothing.

it’s pretty new to me
the long pauses the lingering ,

the waiting for nothing

I recently went to visit my Mom in Tacoma.
she has done the same thing as I am doing in her little house. Lots of garden but the inside is pretty sparse. Especially her bedroom. Just a window looking out to the garden with a fountain bubbling. Just a bed and a window
the key is to walk in this mind

not get all bunched up but remain in a mindset that remains sparse even though the world might be full of distractions .