Do you care what people think?? Not just about you but about how they really think in their heart of hearts.
I was asking myself if I go around with a mask on. I would say yes. I am trying to not do that in this blog. The opportunity in a blog is more than just share ideas that others could use. Maybe being transparent has some value too. I know that I crave someone sharing their experience living in this world with me. So this whole Lent blog is about that. Plus find a mission statement along the way.
I don’t even know who I am writing to. But if I died today I would want to have said this so here goes.
Jumping in the water.
I used to hate Christians . I used to think they were self absorbed arrogant hypocrites that were always pointing their finger at me, So I hate them.
I know how that feels.
But then I was confronted with this thinking when a friend had become one and I knew he wouldn’t do anything stupid like that unless it was true. That is the part that scared me. What if it is true? I never asked myself that before. I was easier to just not ask that and have a million reasons to think it was all untrue. I fancied myself as being honest but I never questioned my beliefs either. Even though I was raised Catholic and had to go to church as a kid, the second I moved out I stopped that and felt righteous about it. Smug even, Yeah I would say smug. Because I was so smart.
So I was a little scared that maybe I was wrong and I did not want to be wrong. Plus what if it is true. Then I would have God on my side so that seemed good. But my friends will reject me because I would too if I were them.
I was scared to lose them. I was scared to lose God too.
But nobody wants to lose your friends. Luckily my closest friends did not reject me. I still had them so that was a mercy. Some people don’t get that luxury. Sometimes parents reject you . It could have been worse. I just know how I felt when I looked at Christians before.
Now I was one and how did that affect my art. Did I have to paint religious pictures now. I wasn’t sure what the rules were.
I remember it was pretty weird to change immediately from no to yes. I wondered what God was going to be like. How does this thing work?? Is He going to let me know somehow what to do. Apparently it is all written down in a book . I never looked at that book before. It is not something Catholics do. You would think that in 12 years in Catholic school they would have us look at it,