The Break

My mom got a new couch. She loved how it looked in her front room. She called me up all excited because it felt so fresh and alive. I agreed with her. I loved it too.

Then other people saw it and did not go crazy when they saw it. They just said oh . And then like a bomb went off in her brain. All enjoyment of her new couch was killed. Now she said it was too big and not that great and flaw city,

My Mom was right to be thrilled about her couch , she needed that change to move on after Dad. Little as it seems, moving things around does give you a fresh perspective.

I am writing this to show you how immediately you can change someones life, This is true straight across the board.

Here is reality. New things need time to adjust to. You are expecting something else and your eye has to adjust. Your brain has to adjust.

about art. buy art that makes you work a little. Art should always make you work a little to see it. When you do it is worth the effort. Easy pretty does not last.

the change

When I did the angel painting, I did not know it would usher me into another thing. Two angels sitting calmly reassuring me that what was coming next would be ok. My Dad was still alive when I painted them. So it made sense to do a show of angels because that was real. But after he died and all the grief started I sort of avoided painting because I did not want to do a bunch of sad paintings.

It was mercy that I had to get this show done so I had to start at some point. so in December I wrestled with several angel girls that did not speak to me at all . I actually had this repulsion to them which was weird.

I got this urge to just do some black and white paintings and then they were abstracts. I loved painting them and I love looking at them. Maybe they look dark and dreary to someone else but to me they are so soothing and warming and life affirming to me.

an artist has to paint what is real to them or it will have no lasting affect.

Life is not a cartoon where everything is predictable and easy to understand. It is textured and deep and lovely in all the time we have. This is what I am painting for a time. These are new and it is a total risk for the gallery to show something totally new when people expect a certain look from me, but my gallery owner is brave and she is showing them.

I asked myself if I had a year to live what would I paint and this is it. Who knows how long a person has. You have to do the deep things when they come, not wait for the luxury of acceptance . That is what art is.

I read another blog and the artist said that if your work is loved by all then you aren’t taking enough risks. this is one time where better safe than sorry is not applicable.IMG_1235

First Instinct

Everysooften, I do a painting that  feels great right out of the shoot. It just sort of sings to me Here I am I am done don’t touch me. It is exciting and wonderful and the reason I paint ever anytime or at all.

When you get to that point(if you are so lucky) run away from the studio. Do not stand there and let your rational brain take over and start just doing one more thing and one more thing then correcting the one more thing . Before you know it the painting is gone forever into the  void never to return. The spark went out and you are now trying to find it again by dumping water on it with a firehose. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened.

Do not be me. Do not over think it. just rejoice and get away from the paint. Wash them up put them away step away from the studio. Go clean your house in celebration that God visited you and blessed you with a masterpiece. Do not question Him.  Overworked paintings feel like it. YOU CAN FEEL A PAINTING THAT IS TRYING TO RESOLVE BUT IT CANT BECAUSE YOU WENT TO FAR.

this is the most important thing to learn when you are  starting out.

I have done all these things but now I know

When someone is going through a hard stressful time, people don’t know what to do. They say things like they are praying for you or thinking of you or call me if you need anything. I have done all these things too because I did not know what is the most necessary thing.

Now I do know. My friends left me some flowers in my doorway. I came home after having a traumatic almost dying occurrence with my Dad . He was leaving and we were all around the bed crying and saying we loved him and it lasted for half and hour and he almost stopped breathing. Then he  asked for a piece of chocolate. So it goes on… the waiting. But it was an emotionally exhausting experience and I am glad we were all there but still it was tough. We came home to find flowers in the door and it felt like someone knew how this was going. Like I was not alone.

that is what people need in times of trial. to not be alone. You don’t have to say anything profound but just come over and stand next to the grieving . Do ask if there is anything to do because nobody wants to  bother you, just do something like send a note or make a sandwich  or a cup of tea. No words are necessary no questions are necessary. The only thing that helps is having our friends stand by us .

Now I know what to do when someone else is in this place.

Getting it all in

So my Dad went home to die and we are all looking at him with expectation of who knows what and it is real now, before it was a dream but now it is real and I have to write this way because I have to gets it all down. before I forget and life is sleep walking again

When you know your Dad has  a week or so left to live everything comes crystal clear, Little things  are important,

Saturday is SATURDAY in caps and it is a real day that is full of looking at every minute. Saturday is important. noon is important , three is important. 5:14 is important. We are alive and we still are all here and alive. I look at my sister and I can see all the years we had growing up together all the days we were given with Dad and all the  days we had knowing each other. Pretty mundane stuff unless it is almost done, then it is amazing spectacular gifts from God that we are now aware of. No more just another day thing. No more just another week, disposable and ordinary and commonplace and ignorable. No now the seconds are fireworks connected to infinity and we are seeing them and being aware of them together and she is not just my sister but my universe that is going through this thing, this mourning with me. We are together and Dad is still here for a bit. Wake up everyone, this is not forever on earth we only have a few seconds before we die and then we are not with any home. You dang better have a relationship with God or you are in so much trouble. You better tell everyone you were gifted with that you love them more each day so much that you could burst.

My Dad is leaving the earth and I am so glad I knew him and he married Mom and had me and the rest of the family. How rich of a life come from that union. I look at  his body that goes on in another place not just gone and that is it no you go on so you better know Who is looking at you next. He better recognize you and say welcome home.. You don’t want to be alone forever . We need to not be alone forever.

As my Dad goes into the next life , as we all are here a few more moments then it will be our turn to leave this world. May we have a Friend who says Welcome home good and faithful servant. May it be so for you and my Dad and everyone else reading this. May it be so.

error: Please do not copy.