Now

I would say that the past five days been the most intense rollercoaster I’ve been on . The prognosis is the same but something inside my brain changed. Facing death in the face like I was a week ago was hard to describe. I think I went through all the grief stages and pretty much was wallowing in despair . Everything everybody said to comfort me made me mad . I was a real fun girl to be around.
Now the results of the new test showed it wasn’t as huge of an aneurism as we thought and that gave me some room to step back .
You can’t be philosophical in the middle of shock .
Now the result is the same, still can’t operate but I’m at peace with it . A lot of people were concerned about me so that was nice to realize your life means something to others.
The big thing I found that is a healthy perspective is not what will happen but the gratitude of even getting to be alive . Everything is super intense , every person I get the honor to know is incredibly beautiful , every sky is magnificent . I get to live and now I’m not just sleepwalking taking anything for granted but am aware of my extreme fortune . And my paintings are going to reflect that .