Sharika Roland

When someone is going through a hard stressful time, people don’t know what to do. They say things like they are praying for you or thinking of you or call me if you need anything. I have done all these things too because I did not know what is the most necessary thing.

Now I do know. My friends left me some flowers in my doorway. I came home after having a traumatic almost dying occurrence with my Dad . He was leaving and we were all around the bed crying and saying we loved him and it lasted for half and hour and he almost stopped breathing. Then he  asked for a piece of chocolate. So it goes on… the waiting. But it was an emotionally exhausting experience and I am glad we were all there but still it was tough. We came home to find flowers in the door and it felt like someone knew how this was going. Like I was not alone.

that is what people need in times of trial. to not be alone. You don’t have to say anything profound but just come over and stand next to the grieving . Do ask if there is anything to do because nobody wants to  bother you, just do something like send a note or make a sandwich  or a cup of tea. No words are necessary no questions are necessary. The only thing that helps is having our friends stand by us .

Now I know what to do when someone else is in this place.

So my Dad went home to die and we are all looking at him with expectation of who knows what and it is real now, before it was a dream but now it is real and I have to write this way because I have to gets it all down. before I forget and life is sleep walking again

When you know your Dad has  a week or so left to live everything comes crystal clear, Little things  are important,

Saturday is SATURDAY in caps and it is a real day that is full of looking at every minute. Saturday is important. noon is important , three is important. 5:14 is important. We are alive and we still are all here and alive. I look at my sister and I can see all the years we had growing up together all the days we were given with Dad and all the  days we had knowing each other. Pretty mundane stuff unless it is almost done, then it is amazing spectacular gifts from God that we are now aware of. No more just another day thing. No more just another week, disposable and ordinary and commonplace and ignorable. No now the seconds are fireworks connected to infinity and we are seeing them and being aware of them together and she is not just my sister but my universe that is going through this thing, this mourning with me. We are together and Dad is still here for a bit. Wake up everyone, this is not forever on earth we only have a few seconds before we die and then we are not with any home. You dang better have a relationship with God or you are in so much trouble. You better tell everyone you were gifted with that you love them more each day so much that you could burst.

My Dad is leaving the earth and I am so glad I knew him and he married Mom and had me and the rest of the family. How rich of a life come from that union. I look at  his body that goes on in another place not just gone and that is it no you go on so you better know Who is looking at you next. He better recognize you and say welcome home.. You don’t want to be alone forever . We need to not be alone forever.

As my Dad goes into the next life , as we all are here a few more moments then it will be our turn to leave this world. May we have a Friend who says Welcome home good and faithful servant. May it be so for you and my Dad and everyone else reading this. May it be so.

In the monastery the time we have is noticed. Breathing is noticed. the look on a face the eyes and memories the line on his face the memories of his youth his life his breath is noticed. It is surreal to see  your Dad who took care of you who was strong and smart and brave and true, be laying on the bed now  leaving the planet for a new place to live. He will live again in a new body and I hope it is in heaven but I cannot be sure. We all want it to be in heaven a beautiful place but that is between him and God who made him. all I can do is look at him and notice his being here now , labored and struggling and yelling and angry and uncomfortable of course and fighting. It is a horrible struggle to die. Too bad we can’t just kiss everyone goodbye and let it go. No we have to fight. Our time together is strange. I care for him like he was a child. What does he need to stop the pain… What can I say to make him focus on something else.  the hours and hours just looking at him. I am lucky. these hours are  not wasted.

I think about my own death. How will it be for me. will It be quick or drawn out. I hope I will fill my last days with prayers for everyone else I can even think of and pouring out love to anyone who will accept it and hopefully I will have a true thing to share that is only learned at this hour. . this is the gift of my Dads passing away in front of my eyes. I notice what is important in the last moments.

Staying with my Dad in his nursing home room gives me time to think about life and garner a new perspective about living.

Here he is in this small space with four shirts in the closet and three pairs of paints and a few undershirts and that is pretty much it. But he is still Dad. All the other stuff of life is dwindled down to just  a very small space. Everything is stripped down to the bare minimum. But even so  all of him is in that room. All the things he did are in his mind and ours, They will not go away. And in the end memories is all we leave for anyone . Good Lord, you want those memories to be good ones. One of valor and holiness and self sacrifice and love. How many houses you have or all that is not what anyone will remember. What they will remember is how you impacted their life.

If you were not a great person when you could have been  a great person, then at least the end of life could be sweet if it is full of asking forgiveness. At the very least say you are sorry before you cannot. I know for a fact that many people would have much much better after you are gone, if you just say your sorry. I think people would be amazed at how much someone can forgive if given half the chance,