Sharika Roland

The second an artist finishes a painting is the second the depression hits.
I find it sort of euphoric when a painting is going well and it is resolving all the problems and going to a new place. I feel totally alive and home at the same time. I feel like I am doing what I was born to do and I never want to stop.
But you do have to finish and then comes the depression.
So funny how that is. You can’t rest on your laurels for more than a minute then the anxiety of what in the world am I going to do next.
Then panic and terror.
Yup then the frantic search for a new idea.
People have said to me before that my paintings look like the same person.
Well they aren’t.
I was just thinking how we are not like God. He created all these people each one unique and I am sure did not freak out when he finished one. I am sure He just goes on the the next and the next and the next.
But I am not God so I am stuck here with the ecstasy and the agony.

I have a big house. I have a big house and I am into tiny houses. This is a problem.
If I had nerve I would make the upstairs a fancy bed and breakfast place and decorate it as fun as possible so people could get away from ordinary for a little while.
Usually B and B’s are tastefully decorated.
I hate it when everything matches and is decoratery.
I would like to make a B and B for artist types.

Or want to be artist types for a night.
I have stayed in a lot of B ad B’s and the best one was in France. Well you are in France and the view outside of the countryside was pretty amazing but that is not why I love every second there. The lavish pool and the super fancy antiques and the service was not why I loved it there.
They had art and books and personal things all over the place. I could feel the owners very soul in that room with a view.
that was why it was the best.
A runner up was also in France in Paris. The room had upholstered walls in beautiful french fabric. well that was amazing. It had batting under the fabric so it was really soft. and it made you touch the walls.
The third place was this place by the Bloedel Reserve.  http://www.bloedelreserve.org/ in Washington. It was a carriage house. The reason I loved that place is they had no T. V. and no radio. It was a quiet house. You could hear your heart beat. Because they insisted on quiet , they were pioneers in my book.
When you own the B and B you are the boss. And you can do anything.

So I would want to create a place that was what I would want to stay in.

Art all over the place and unusual colors and hand painted artist furniture and linens that were so outrageous that you could never afford them . And  I would like service where they bring you sterling silver coffee service(like in France)  not just a  creepy coffee maker in the room. And I want a silver platter with amazing breakfast food.

And I dont want to eat in the dining room. I want it to be in my room on this amazing table. that is hand painted.

And I would want a pink bathroom with a pink christmas tree all lit up in there with big fluffy  towels and lots of art and cupcake bath salts by the tub. .

And I would want a stained glass window that is a picture of a peacock wandering in a garden in France. and I would want a balcony full of flowers overflowing and a little table and chairs and lights everywhere and wind chimes.

and no T. V. We have enough bad news without having it at a B and B.

B and B should stand for Beauty and Bounty.

It is a tricky thing with painting. You sometimes do a painting that looks different and people say what they heck are you doing, but you have to do it anyway.
that is just the way it is. I dont know why paintings get born that are weird but they do. And you have to let them live. anyway.
there might be something in that painting that you have to learn or hear what it is telling you.
so you have to look at it awhile and be with it and listen to it.
If everyone does not get it then that is ok.
Everyone hates everything new at first.
But if you dont do new things that are a little hard at first then you wont grow.
So if you don’t like something just forget it. You might grow into it.
My mom hated a painting I did a couple of years ago with shoes in it. She said”Why did you put those shoes. You wrecked it.”
But now she loves that painting best.
What I am doing now she hates again but she will learn to like it.

I have been doing slashes of paint on the finished painting now for 6 months. I do not know why I suddenly had the urge to start slashing but I did.
I think the first one was” Pearls.” I was sort of covering up the writing I put on the front of the painting and while I was in the middle of that I sort of kept going.
Then I became obsessed with the energy of the slashes. They seemed to make the paintings vibrate.
NOw I am in love with them and don’t want to stop.
Like all new things, there are mixed reviews.
But I have to go with what is speaking to me right now .
I have to .
NO artist has a choice.
You have to obey the leanings . If you don’t do what you think you should, you will be cranky.

I heard an interesting talk this morning on the radio. It was about why people buy things. People always always always buy because they like the way they feel about the thing they are buying. It is not a logical response. It is 100 percent emotional.
You may think you are buying something because it is a smart buy but you are not. It makes you feel something. You might feel smart, pretty, clever, thrifty, ahead of the curve, wise. or any number of things.
You buy into a belief system that you can relate to.
People showed up to hear Martin Luther King give the “I have a dream speech” not because they heard about it on the radio or television or internet(not invented yet)
The showed up not because they thought Martin Luther King was a great guy. NO they showed up because they felt good about the message and wanted to be a part of that message. They related to it on a gut level.

So what you believe is so important because that is the only thing anyone can hook on to and go with. They don’t care otherwise. Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger than themselves.
I think that is why abstract expressionism took off like it did. Everyone wanted to be the smartest person in the room. They wanted to be sophisticated and get it. It was the newest thing and that is what they wanted.
This idea works on all levels and is very interesting to ponder.